We All Do

By Scott on January 31st, 2023

Scott standing next to a mirror, wearing a black suit in a very pink room.

The same awesome feeling that I felt when I was little and played with my water table in my backyard, I now feel when writing a poem. I loved my water table. I played with it so much. Gosh, I was a water boy. I loved the feeling of water and I would feel free. I still love swimming, but my water table was just so much fun. All the stress of doctors appointments and surgeries and not communicating went away when I played with that table. Poetry works the same way for me today. I don’t always write for someone to see but I do always write for myself. When I’m not feeling well,or when I’m stressed, or just totally excited, I write poetry. It helps me stay calm and I can refocus again when I get my emotions out.

I’m wondering what you think - I mean by happiness. What do I mean by “Happiness is for Everyone”? I know that life is not always easy. We all have painful experiences. I am also aware of the need to validate other emotions; it’s ok to be sad, frustrated, scared, angry. I’m also not saying “let’s eat ice cream every night” because ice cream makes you happy. I believe that happiness is knowing that you can and deserve to feel cheerful again after being sad, frustrated, scared, angry and all the other emotions. Happiness is not getting what you want. It is knowing that you are allowed to feel good before and after pain. It is only achievable when you feel safe, nourished, and accepted. Look - I am appreciative that depression, anxiety, and other painful feelings are being treated with more understanding. But that doesn’t mean that you should feel guilty for feeling good. It doesn’t mean becoming jealous because another person feels happy. It doesn’t mean that the person smiling and enjoying themselves hasn’t had a bad experience. I am so thankful that my parents taught me that true happiness is accepting all your experiences and being comfortable with life during difficult times so that I can persevere and achieve joy again. Imagine not being able to see yourself with cheer in your heart. Even when depressed, I hold on knowing that I can, will, and deserve to belly laugh again one day.

I am a good planner. I have a dream of being in a position where I can make a difference to others. I still get upset thinking about the past, and how I was treated when I couldn’t communicate very well. I don’t think I will be able to remain silent when I see other disabled people treated poorly. I’m not a fan of watching people hurt. I started this blog because I wanted to share how a person who can’t communicate can still feel. I’m not a robot. I want to say that I have worked hard on finding a way to make myself comfortable with the past. I remember when I had fun and when I didn’t. But I remember that I was loved. I am not going backwards - life moves forward and I am equipped to move forwards, knowing that I can overcome the obstacles and pain in life and that I can feel happiness without guilt. I know I deserve to feel joy and I know that a little work to accomplish a time of happiness is ok. You are allowed to make changes, feel pain, get angry, or take a break if that is what is needed. You don’t feel happy with all the things, you feel happy when you know you are gifted the ability to work on becoming content. When gifted the knowledge that you matter. When gifted the knowledge that happiness is not a bad thing, nor sadness, nor anger.

Emotions of all kinds are necessary in life. They serve a purpose. But happiness means that you feel good, and you deserve to feel good. We all do.