Pain is Inevitable, Healing is Possible
I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my last post. I was writing about my feelings. I was feeling angry, just tired of being the afterthought. I have had time to think and I am glad I said what I did. It really helped me to say it out loud. I am happy with my friends. I have great friends. I am comfortable reaching out and I make friends quickly. I know some people are uncomfortable with being the one who starts conversations, but I have lots of talking to do to make up for when I could not type. I am a talker now. Okay, a nonstop typer!
I am happy to do my best for me and if people in my life want to be a part of the journey, that is up to them. I will never push people out of my life. I don’t believe people ever intend to do harm, or hurt others. Sometimes it happens, there are reasons. I know I am not the reason. If someone is causing someone to feel bad, making another person feel like I was feeling, they need to find a better way, and discover why they do it and figure out how much they want to be a part of the lives of others. I will keep being me.
I have people in my life who have suffered a lot of stress, pain, and loss. I know sometimes everything becomes too much. I get it. I have had a great three years of typing, but it has been extremely difficult at times. All my memories, questions, and fears of the past 15 years, and school thrown in, have pushed my anxiety to a boiling point. Understand I am happy, I love typing and school, but I have had so much in my head that needed to come out. Sometimes I just couldn’t understand the memory of a fearful event like surgery, and I just couldn’t formulate my thoughts to ask what happened, to clarify the situation. I had to work out a lot of memories. Well, 15 years, 37 surgeries, friends moving, me moving, school isolation, teasing, changing schools, new support workers, funerals. Well you get it, a lot of stuff. I am going to be spending time always thinking about things, but I have learned it might always be a bit unclear. I have reached the point where I am understanding I can’t go back and that I need to enjoy the now, and plan a good future. I have so many good memories too. Sometimes I forget about the good, but I remember all the fun. My parents tried hard to balance the stressful times with fun. I have plenty of awesome childhood memories to recall when anxiety sets in.
What I want you to know is, so many people have pain in their lives. Maybe not at the moment, maybe not yet, but we all face pain at some point. I will not judge someone on what they do when the pain they are feeling is overwhelming. I will be a person available to my friends who need assistance, time, or a conversation starter. I will be here.