Clearing a Path
Yesterday we went walking. I really enjoyed seeing the lake from another perspective. What I found interesting was seeing how all the surrounding area was covered in foliage that is growing over old fallen trees. There are some fallen trees that we have noticed in the lake while we've paddled. I just didn't anticipate seeing so many on the ground. I guess I assumed they would have been cleared up. But, they have become a part of the ecosystem. Sadly they are still dangerous if you can't see them. I accidentally got myself caught on a few. I will try walking the path again with my cane. When I walk, I let myself focus on walking and the calm that comes through my mind as other things are pushed aside. I will always walk when I can. I'm saying I appreciate movement, and my body and mind are healthier when I do. I don't feel anxious either. I need walking to help manage my anxiety.
This scares me. I still cannot walk on my own. I need a person to help navigate. I'm doing fine with this now. But my awesome supportive family are getting tired and my friends are starting their lives in new situations that prevent them from seeing me as much. I've been trying constantly to keep social but it's been hard this summer. My friends still keep in touch and we get together, but not as much as before. Lives are changing. I've started a case for my family to move. I have been saying this since my school ended. I need new connections, new supports, and a new beginning. I'm currently struggling with people in my life wanting me to stay young. I would like an adult life. This is harder for the disabled, who are constantly being treated like children. My mom gets it. She basically has waited for me to decide I am ready for adult responsibilities. She still makes me do things like before and won't let me do things (like moms should) but she takes me to adult comedy and breweries. I'm 19! I don't drink a lot but I like going out and having someone ask for my ID. I feel like I'm seen as an adult.
Today is my work day. I still need my intervenor to assist me with some things. I always will need an intervenor for a few things but I'm working towards less things. My mom injured her foot and she can't walk around so she is letting me plan the day as long as she can rest her foot. I chose to work on independence skills. The best part is that we can sit down and listen to music while I work. I'm liking the Beatles and the whole 60s music today. I still think the Beatles are the best. I have always loved them. I like 80s music too. New Order, Tears for Fears, Duran Duran, Pet Shop Boys, Madness and many other New Wave musicians. They are fun to listen to. I love how they feel when they are playing. I'm definitely not against new music, but I really enjoy the 60s and 80s.
I would say that as a writer I want to improve the way I type. I need to become faster, more accurate, and less dependent upon support. I'm getting there, but I am getting frustrated with how much time it is taking. I'm not sure exactly what the best way to type when my thoughts are faster than my fingers. But I know I will find a way. I should be working on my anxiety as well. When I have anxiety I can't focus on typing. My typing is awful and my words make no sense when anxiety takes hold. I am worried about not being able to explain why I can't type when my anxiety is high and I am with people who don't know me. It is worrying to me as I become a more independent adult.
I would like to work with an intervenor from the past. I have been lucky enough to have had great past experiences with wonderful people. I'm not sure that I can work with one of them again, but it is so hard getting to know someone new. I'm sure when I get back to having an intervenor I will take a good year to fully know them and vice versa. I have been having anxiety about this. I'm really scared about having to trust someone who I don't know. I'm waiting for the right person because I will be too anxious to work with someone I am not comfortable with. I'm hoping someone will come forward that is the pertect match to be my intervenor.
I'm hoping that everyone is having an awesome summer. This is a really wonderful planet we live on. I hope we can minimize future fires from destroying so much of it. Please stay safe and do your part in keeping our forests safe.