Summer of '21

By Scott on

Scott typing with his friend at a picnic table.

I’m loving this summer! I have had so many different things happen. It is just awesome. I’m fully vaccinated and most of my friends are and I appreciate it. I’m deafblind and I am scared about loosing my sense of smell. I rely on smell, it helps me a lot. I can’t imagine being without it. I know it’s hard for people to decide about getting vaccinated. I understand the fear around a new vaccine but I think the governments around the world would not agree on the need for the vaccine if it wasn’t important. Countries around the world seem to disagree more than agree with one another. And there is no reason I can think of for the leaders of every nation of the world to want to poison their citizens. I also need to know how such fear started. I’m vaccinated for many things and I know there is risks but they are small compared to the greater good of the vaccine.

I should say I’m not here to lecture you I just don’t understand it. Thanks for letting me get my questions out.

I have anxiety. I have had it for a long time. I’m sorry I forgot to say I have panic attacks too. They are horrible. I think the world is after me. Oh I know it’s not true but in that moment it hurts so much and I feel like I need to fight to escape. Its the worst feeling and I can’t control my thoughts in the moment. I’m learning how to identify if an attack is on its way and try to calm myself beforehand. It’s hard and I wish I knew how to just get over it, but it’s not that easy. I plan to be more at ease with anxiety. I know I’m not alone. I know I can have anxiety even if I’m happy. I know it might be a thing I always have, it’s part of life and Covid has made it worse. I don’t trust people anymore because I don’t know who cares about my health and other peoples health. I don’t know who is ok with passing on Covid because they feel it’s not dangerous to them and they think those who are vulnerable don’t deserve to be out. Oh I’m sorry, I’m just so upset with Covid for making people scared. Scared of getting sick, scared of getting vaccinated, scared of their doctors, scared of other countries, scared of masks, scared of the future. Oh gosh how does someone dealing with anxiety already get through this. I’m going to do it! I have really good friends even though I’m scared I have seen them this summer and I just feel so awesome! I have the best friends oh I do. My friends are awesome. They understand me and they are careful not to worry me with Covid risks. Good friends are so important. I have a lot of great people in my life. I have a feeling some of them are meant to be my lifelong super friends. Oh, I love them.

My anxiety is keeping me from lots of things and that means I am keeping my parents from things too. I’m sorry Mom and Dad, you love going out but I’m keeping you busy. Yes my parents have me prioritized before themselves. Mom is not upset she just makes fun times with me. We have so much fun. Paddling, swimming, walking, listening to music, playing games, and learning. We are listening to Judy Blume and David Sedaris talk about being better writers. Oh it’s awesome.

I need to speak my thoughts to help my anxiety. Keeping my worries inside just makes anxiety worse. I have my blog and I can talk to family and friends. I’m very lucky. Oh gosh music helps me too, and I love that I can feel better listening to music. I love “Control” by Zoe Wees, the song just understands me. I think I just love this song.

I hope your summer has been good and that you are doing well with life. Oh so much going on, cherish the good times.