'Tis the Most Wonderful Time

I just want to say Merry Christmas to everyone and Happy New Year. If you don’t celebrate Christmas I hope you have a good holiday or a special year-end celebration. I love Christmas. I am sorry, I’m what you see in those cliché Christmas movies. I love the time with family, the traditions, the songs, and the lights. I am not religious and I’m not celebrating a religious time. I’m celebrating my family, my friends and my awesome life. It’s a time to remember that even when life is hard, there’s lots of love. I know my family has been so excited for Christmas every year. I remember when I was little, and my parents were so worried about my future or my latest surgery or health issue, they would push the worry away for Christmas and just have fun. They have always made me feel so excited and happy for Christmas. They didn’t do this by buying me a ton of stuff, I got nice presents, but they spent more time on activities and just having lots of fun.

I think I am sorry I’m not doing so good this year. I've got anxiety because I’m stressed about my future. I don’t know what life will be like after high school. I am happy about finishing school but my future is so uncertain it’s causing me some stress. I worry I will be alone - maybe not right away but my extended family is starting to move apart and I hope to move too one day. My cousins are a lot younger and I feel that they will not get to know me too well. I think maybe all seniors in high school start feeling scared about the future. But I’m sure it’s not really that, I think I’m really scared to admit that I have times when I need support and I’m scared nobody understands what that means except my parents. I’m not incapable, I just need assistance with some things. People think I need nothing or everything. Most people are overly helpful. I also have people explain things to me as if I was a toddler. When you can’t talk, people can and often do, assume you don’t understand. So, I think I am worried about what happens when my parents are not still there. I’m not sure what to say - I just got worried about life after my dog died. I am sorry I’m not typing happy thoughts. What I’m doing is thinking too much about the far future. I know I need to get some perspective and enjoy the now and make plans for the closer future. It will be ok, but I want to let people know that sometimes even when the present is good, anxiety finds it’s way into your head.

I think I’m really happy for the next few months and I’m working hard on myself so I’m preparing for a good future. I have exciting plans and work ahead. I’ve been offered post-secondary admissions and I’m deciding when and where. I think I have lots of awesome things happening too.

Ok, so I’m going to end by saying I am going to have a super Christmas week before the big day. Christmas lights, movies, songs, and family games. I’m going to remember to enjoy the now and eat too much candy. Wishing you all a time filled with love.