Working on Me
I’m working on me. What appears to be a lazy year has been a very difficult year. I was planning on starting university and taking another step towards my future career goals. I believe I am academically ready for this chapter. However, I am not ready to attend university and have a full university experience. What I am saying is that I have anxiety and OCD that I need to manage better. I have living skills that I am working hard on, and I am working on improving my typing. I want all of these things to be improved so I can really enjoy and get the most from my university experience. I have really struggled with admitting that I don’t have the right skills to accomplish what I want right away. When I got back from Australia I was ready for university, but my parents said I needed to work on typing so I could keep up with my assignments. I was so disappointed. But I am so happy that I have chosen to improve myself first. I have become aware how important it is to manage my anxiety so I can write. I have slept awful for the past 6 months and poor sleep makes days harder. I’m getting more sleep but I still need to get better. I am also starting to feel more independent. I’m doing more things independently and I have to say being more independent before starting university is something that I really want. The question is, how do I know when I’m ready to start university? I think I will know when I get there.
My summer was awesome when I was awake enough to enjoy it. I swam, and paddled. Lots of walking, including doing the Grouse Grind. That was hard, very hard. But I did it! I will not do it again. I am so happy that I am able to attend concerts. I saw Billy Idol, Tinashe, james the band and Johnny Marr so far this year. I really love live music.
I am so worried about my future. I get so excited about it and then I feel like I need a little break from working on achieving my goals and then I feel guilty about taking a break. Being disabled reduces the chances of getting employed. It does. I don’t care about employment as much as I care about being able to feel good about my contribution to my care. To be self sufficient. Will this happen? I hope so.
I appreciate all the support and encouragement I have received from people who have been reading my blog posts. I hope I don’t bore you and I am going to restate my original intention for this blog. I want to say I am seeing a difference in how people see me. But I want people to see other people with disabilities the same way. People with disabilities deserve to be treated with respect and given the chance to be happy. All emotions are valid but happiness is something we all deserve to feel. I wish you all a very happy Autumn.